A Gentleman

Friendship, as a relationship, happens in all sorts of ways and circumstances, just as friends come in all sizes and shapes. And then there is one kind that is particularly intriguing, the one between office colleagues.

The fall of 2005 marked a major change in my professional career as I was given the opportunity to manage a team responsible for the IBM Executive Briefing Center in Rome, something I hadn't expected and never really had considered since I had always been on the development side for software products with limited exposure to the sales side. Although the IBM software development was in Rome, organizationally we were always part of larger global teams of different IBM sites in the US, and so I always found myself on calls with colleagues in the US. The Rome Executive Briefing Center was part of a newly formed group of worldwide centers, a rather exclusive set of thirteen locations in all.

Cambridge

I met Shawn for the first time in Cambridge, Massachusetts where we had an in person team meeting for all the center managers. It would be the beginning of a work collaboration that would last nearly 20 years. For the first time I was meeting my fellow center managers, some were from North America and Shawn led the Executive Briefing Center in Toronto, and we also had others from Europe like the UK and Germany. Though I didn't ask I figured Shawn to be older than me and a senior member of the team as I gathered he had existing work relationships with the others in North America.

Canada

Shawn was the third Canadian of relevance I met in my life and that he was Canadian maybe had a bearing on my expectations. When I was in grade school at Notre Dame International in Rome, one of my closest friends was a Canadian by the name of Camille. Early in high school Camille's father was transferred and so Camille and I had to part ways. There was no internet, just snail mail, but deep down we just knew that we would go our own way and there would be just the memories to cherish. We did hook up again many decades later but it was only for a fleeting moment. Nonetheless Camille left a lasting memory of how well we got together, the things you do as a kid growing up and in earnest of becoming of age, and the associated feeling came to define what I would expect of a lasting friendship. Years later while working for IBM in Bangkok, I attended a course where the instructor was Canadian as well as being from Toronto. Obviously the instruction was in English and he did so with the typical Canadian English accent west of Ontario. He was rather easy going and open to enjoying the new experience. It was a good moment and in many ways he reminded me of what may have been with Camille. So when I met Shawn I was happy to meet another Canadian and I guess I felt a certain continuity. Was it destiny? I don't know. It could have gone quite differently as I think of my years at RPI in upstate New York where I did occasionally meet Canadians fleetingly because of the school's ice hockey team prominence and the proximity to Quebec, but I suppose French Canadians have a different outlook on life to put it mildly.

Almost immediately Shawn's demeanor must have put me at ease and it triggered memories of Camille. Over the years, aside from co-workers and teams that I managed locally, I interacted with several worldwide colleagues on a remote basis. Sometimes they were by regular calls as in meetings, sometimes on occasional trips, but in general the composition of the team and role didn't exceed a couple of years. You could say it was just a come and go type of relationship. In retrospect the immediate challenge was to have a successful and professional interaction, although when people are young and ambitious, and rightly so, many are also competitive in nature and some perhaps a little cut throat as they look for a personal win or gain rather than a collaboration. While professional these relationship hardly tended to be enjoyable.

A Team

The meeting in Cambridge was quite different. It was evident from the start that it was going to be a tight knit group and interestingly, everyone had been with IBM for quite sometime with diverse experiences. Shawn in many ways exemplified this to me. His welcome was both warm and measured. While he look distinguished in many ways, he didn't give me the sense that he was in hurry to get somewhere or that his current role was just a step in the journey, it felt like he was totally committed and immersed in the moment. I've had colleagues in the past who would quickly figure out if I could be beneficial to their career, and if not, then they tended to invest in cultivating a relationship with someone else. In those first days I saw Shawn as someone who was more on the casual side rather than being formal and uptight, and his body language was equally consistent. Shawn was clear on what he felt to be right rather than wrong, and he didn't blindly accept office bureaucracy. It wasn't hard to imagine Shawn as Santa Claus as he was already more than half way there. It was refreshing to engage with someone who wasn't quite your stereotypical alpha male, Shawn's manners from an older era belied his sensitivity to everyone's interests and feelings. Physically Shawn wasn't imposing even if he could fill a room with his presence. His flocks of gray hair always lent him that appearance of stature all the while being very accessible. Sometime I might have thought he was part of a long gone breed of people in the company, and maybe that was the key to why an effective collaboration was in the cards. He wasn't flying solo. You could tell that if he had to describe priorities, most certainly family would have trumped anything else. He had found a happy balance. A smile was always on his face, a lot or a little bit, it didn't matter, he just couldn't frown for long. Life had a lot to offer for Shawn and from the few things he mentioned it was clear he enjoyed every bit of it. I'm sure he was wonderful mentor and guide to many people.

We would be on weekly calls which was how the center managers shared their status, experiences, and issues. Sometimes Shawn and I would have our own calls if we were collaborating on some action or initiative. If not, then there exchanges of email. In my experience, for any remote collaboration to really be effective, the people involved need to meet face to face at least one time early on so that a voice over the phone could be matched to a face and how a person expresses themselves. The Cambridge meeting was perfect for this.

A Listener

When I think of Shawn, I think of trust as in TRUST. If he asked a question, he never gave the impression that it was a pointed question or that it was posed to uncover something. It was like he expected to always receive a truthful answer. When I shared my opinions with Shawn, or if I had doubts, he never used the information as an advantage or even relayed them to others without letting me know. Shawn walked a fine line between been firm and clear with his ideas and position, all the while remaining open to reconsideration. Shawn could because he was a great listener. He never brushed me off. He always took that extra time to make sure I had a chance to say what I wanted. A sign of a great leader is to be able to let others complement you. Shawn had mastered the fundamental rule of the great communicator - he never talked about himself first, you came first, and if he asked a question about you it was felt as a genuine interest. His tone and cadence only added to his overall warmth. He was easy to humor and he was always there with a smile. Even with challenges and problems, Shawn was more willing to reason rather than just being upset or angry for any length of time. He remained determined without coloring it with useless stress. Determined he was. Stubborn he was not. He was quick to offer a hand, maybe he didn't have the answer but was willing explore with you. And not least, he never made a promise lightly, or that he couldn't keep.

Circumstances never gave us an opportunity to spend time in proximity, and so a friendship in the traditional sense was never possible. Our private and personal lives remained a separate dimension. Still, here was a colleague with whom I could count on, that when we shared, the sum was greater than the single thoughts, that we rowed in the same direction and not stepping over each other, and that I could honestly call an esteemed and respected colleague if not friend. Shawn talked about family sparingly to me, but only if he felt that it added to whatever we were tackling. It just completed the picture that he was undoubtedly a warm and openhearted person, someone who looked at life as a glass at least half full, sensitive to people's feelings, and really made any interaction enjoyable. Ask him a question and he never gave the impression that he was too busy and turn you away. Some maybe might have describe him as a jolly good fellow, but he was so in a quiet way without being outsized.

Shawn,

So while we only met at a certain level, I remain touched by the trust you gave me, your integrity, and that you accepted me a valued peer. None of it is ever a given. I know that it wasn't a fluke, you were most certainly even more a amiable person to all the people close to you and everyone became better by the example you set. Indeed a gentleman you were and even more.

Call you a friend I would, knowing that if needed we would have been there for each other, never to question or hesitate.

I know that the EBC family, colleagues and friends, near and far, all salute you in each of our own ways for the best of times and the helping hand you always extended without expecting anything in return. Our warmest and heartfelt thank you.

Peter D.

Austin 2014